4

I stared past Joe's four year old penis to the front window. Taped to the inside of the window hung an extremely crooked sign which read:

WE LOVE YOU MOM

WE'RE SORRY

.  .

*

Just below the sign waved Dickie and Jim. Shirtless as usual. I pointed and yelled for them to stay inside. The only one left unaccounted for was Drew. I grabbed the nudist off the mailbox and power walked towards the stretcher.

Please, ohplease, ohplease don't let it be Drew.

I entered the intersection and saw a scene that earlier had been hidden from the front of the house. Drew was not the patient on the stretcher. Astrid, my insane hippy friend, rolled by right in front of me. Her eyes found mine.

"Help. Forgot purse. No license. Wreck. Cat. Church bus. Hair. Drew. Skirts," she pinged from one word to the next making zero sense. She had a massive cut on her eyebrow.

I put my hand out to stop the gurney.

"Ma'am, please remove your hand. This ingrate is under arrest," Officer Mangina said.

Seriously, the guy had a facial hair formation that resembled a wild au naturel hoo-ha. The type that could cause an emergeny Roter Rooter call if tampered with.

"Why? Why is she under arrest?" I demanded grasping for Astrid's hand.

"Driving without a license. Driving under the influence and blatant religious intolerance," Mangina answered. "Now get out of our way. We have to get her medical attention."

They sped her away into the helicopter. The pilot prepared for take off and turned the blades on full speed. Astrid was gone. I had no clue where they were taking her. I stood in the midst of pure chaos, holding a a naked toddler as one of my best friends was being rushed to the hospital under  police guard.

I had accounted for three quarters of my young male population.

Where was Drew?

After the trees ceased blowing from the helicopter's take off, I caught my breath and continued around the corner. I found Drew, finally, squatting under a crepe myrtle holding a ratty black kitten and surrounded by women in long denim skirts--15 of them to be exact. Behind them I saw Astrid's mini van crunched into the side of a 15 passenger North Crescent Church of God bus.

"Drew!" I managed to get out. "What happened?"